Coulter’s Quip

Ann Coulter, quip-lover and queen of conservative sarcasm, is proud of her own quips while denouncing those of her foes.

As she began her latest book tour, Coulter penned a special column condemning Gov. Rick Perry’s fence-ladder quips.[1] She called Perry a “moron” without a brain for his quips.


Continuing to lambast Perry for using quips in lieu of substantive foreign policy, Coulter tweeted, “Also @GovernorPerry: ‘The 15-foot ladder business is going to get good on that 14-foot fence.’”[2]

Coulter claims Perry is “the pioneer of the argument that fences don’t work, buckets and wheels don’t work. It’s the craziest argument I’ve ever heard. Have they heard of East Germany and the Soviet Union? They wanted to keep people in, we want to keep people out. Fences work just fine.”[3]

Coulter is absolutely correct: we need to secure the border, including using fences. And, yes, fences work just fine – for the most part.

Fences, Ladders, and Tunnels

However, Coulter fails to grasp the implications of ladders and tunnels, which pose provably effective means of circumventing fences, thus giving sustenance to Perry’s fence-ladder quips.

Decrying fence detractors, Coulter noted, “[They say,] ‘fences don’t work.’ It’s like being told wheels don’t work. What are you talking about? It worked for centuries!”[4] (If wheels always worked, why not use them for mountain climbing?)

Tunnels are not new. They’ve worked for centuries, just like fences. Drug cartels regularly use tunnels along the Mexican border for their drug trade and human trafficking.

The epic blockbuster, The Great Escape, told the true story of Allied POWs escaping from the Nazis’ specially-designed, “escape-proof” POW camp. Tunnels worked just fine.

Still, Coulter dismisses Sen. Marco Rubio’s legitimate concerns, contending, “Rubio says because El Chapo built a tunnel.”[5] Smirking, Coulter then proudly quipped,

“Somehow El Chapo didn’t build a tunnel under Israel’s fence. That has managed to work.”

For those who have forgotten, Coulter has repeatedly emphasized that Mexican immigrants pose a threat to us because they can walk across the border. Israel is not on Mexico’s border. Of course, “El Chapo didn’t build a tunnel under Israel’s fence.” Why would he?

Yes, Israel’s fence works just fine, the 36 miles of it that have been completed. Meanwhile, America’s border with Mexico stretches 1,989 miles. Imperfect parallels.

A quip is only funny to Coulter when it fits her agenda. Otherwise, the quipster is a moron.

Trump’s Fences and Amnesty

Just last night, Coulter complained, “I don’t understand this weird objection. ‘What’s he going to do? What are the policies? It’s just phrases.’ What? As opposed to, ‘I’m going to secure the border, but not with a fence because fences don’t work, and you can build a tunnel under a fence.’ No, he’s giving specific policies …”[6]

Except, the Donald is long on bombast and short on details. What, specifically, would Trump do? Where Trump has been specific, he has been nonsensical.

National Review derides Trump’s immigration platform as incoherent at best.

“Trump’s original proposal was to build a wall and force the government of Mexico to pay for it. The latter half of that proposition is too silly to merit much criticism and may be dismissed as bluster. The first half is a little more complicated: The actual geography of the U.S.–Mexico border ensures that there will not be a wall, though a series of barriers is desirable.”


“But that is only a small part of the solution: Walls can be ascended or tunneled under, and must be patrolled; recent research suggests that more than half of new illegals do not sneak cross any border but simply enter legally and overstay their visas; no effective national system is in place to enforce our immigration laws at the critical place: the work site. ‘Build a wall’ is at most a part of the broader solution.”

As the editors at National Review point out, Trump’s deportation-reimportation strategy is amnesty by another name – “and a complicated, expensive, and thick-headed version of amnesty at that.”

Although amnesty is anathema to Coulter, she dismisses Trump’s version because Trump has spotlighted immigration, the subject of Coulter’s latest book.[7] This is yet another instance where Coulter’s political positions are incoherent.

Coulter champions Trump as the only person (apart from Mitt Romney)[8] who can end the scourge of immigration and thwart amnesty efforts, yet, Trump has his own (very complicated) version of amnesty. Coulter attacks every other presidential candidate who advocates some version of amnesty, yet heralds Trump as the savior of the nation despite his own amnesty proposals.

Coulter even supports Trump as a third-party candidate,[9] thus ensuring a GOP defeat and the rise of yet another open borders Democrat administration.

But if immigration is the death knell of Conservatism and of America, why is Coulter fighting tooth and nail to ensure that the open borders immigration policies of the Left will be solidified under another Democrat presidency?

If all of the other GOP candidates are midgets because they support amnesty, what does that make Trump? A more flamboyant midget? And why support him to the detriment of the nation?

Oh, that’s right, she has a book to sell.


[1]               Ann Coulter, “This Week’s Immigrant Crime And Rick Perry Update,” Daily Caller, 6/5/15.

[2]               Ann Coulter tweet, 7/7/15, 10:09 p.m.

[3]               Ann Coulter, Hannity, FNC, 7/7/15.

[4]               Ann Coulter, Laura Ingraham Show, 6/18/15.

[5]               Ann Coulter, Hannity, FNC, 8/7/15.

[6]               Ann Coulter, O’Reilly Factor, FNC, 8/10/15.

[7]               See “Coulter Trumped Up” at

[8]               See “Adios, Ann: Only Mitt for Me” at

[9]               See “Coulter’s Latest RINO Would Give Democrats Victory” at


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