What Would Ann Coulter Eat?

If Ann Coulter can ask Who Would Jesus Kill (WWJK)? then we can surely ask What Would Ann Coulter Eat (WWACE)?

(This is a very abbreviated extract from a case study in Joker: Ann Coulter Unplugged.)

When not drinking chardonnay, Coulter’s non-alcoholic beverage of choice is a Diet Coke.[1]

In a 2000 column, Coulter wrote, “If anyone ever opened my closets, they would have thought I belonged to some crazy survivalist cult that believes in storing a year’s worth of toilet paper and Diet Coke.”[2]

Ann’s current Twitter fan club, Anntensity, observed: “Coulter reacted with tacit satisfaction, calmly took a sip from her Diet Coke.”

The Philadelphia Inquirer reported:

“But here is Ann Coulter, fresh from a lecture and book-signing, sipping a glass of Diet Coke in a quiet conference room and exuding not venom and hatred but sunshine and light.”

“So fine-boned and slender she almost disappears when viewed sideways, she’s all glowing tan and shiny blond mane. A diamond tennis bracelet twinkles on her right arm. Her pale blue-gray eyes sparkle. With a smile she says no, she doesn’t write to shock.”

“She’s wearing a cropped jacket and a form-fitting spaghetti-strapped dress cut to her signature micro-mini length. (‘Skirts so short you can see her brains,’ a Salon wag wrote of her wardrobe.)”

“It’s an outfit that would look absurd on most women of 39 (by her account) or 41 (according to her voter registration record). But it flatters Coulter, who lacks thighs and wrinkles and could pass for a mid-20s grad student.”

Nicorette Gum

Not technically a food, Coulter often treats Nicorette gum as if it is a nutritional necessity.

Multiple interviewers have observed Coulter’s addiction to Nicorette. One noted, “I believe she was chewing her fourth piece of Nicorette…”[3] Another asked, “How does she stay so thin? Never ate, chewed gum all night.”[4] Another wrote, “[Coulter] devoured tablets of Nicorette gum as though they were Tic Tacs.”[5]

Coulter “chewed her third piece of Nicorette at a French café on the Upper East Side.”

To one interviewer, Coulter exclaimed, “I have two patches on right now – and Nicorette gum in my purse! I quit last October and I don’t feel any better – no better whatsoever. Plus, it’s like a miracle drug. When you’re upset, it calms you down.”[6]

Is Coulter so addicted to nicotine that she can’t quit?

Is Coulter so nervous before an appearance that she needs nicotine to appear in control?

Check out this fascinating off-air but on-camera exchange: [7]

FEMALE SPEAKER: “Did you want to keep the gum?”

ANN COULTER: “No, I have my little thing [container].”

FEMALE SPEAKER: “You do?”

ANN COULTER: “I’m waiting for them to come to me. It’s my Nicorette. So, it’s like smoking before I go on.

FEMALE SPEAKER: “Right.”

ANN COULTER: “Right? And they’re still chattering with Peter King. And then there will have to be a commercial.”

FEMALE SPEAKER: “OK.”

MALE SPEAKER: “I have two here.”

ANN COULTER: “I don’t think I’ll need another one before I go on, but thank you. If you can chop it up so I can snort it. That would help. …”

ANN COULTER: “Oh, OK. So, we do have a commercial before you come to me? OK, I’m putting my Nicorette back in.”

Coulter was relentlessly mocked for her rather endearing self-deprecating humor regarding nicotine. Yes, it is evidence of an addiction she cannot seem to kick. Her words were intentionally comical, yet her chewing was unintentionally exaggerated – chewing to get as much out of it as quickly as she could. This suggests Coulter experiences some measure of insecurity on set and requires her nicotine fix to be calm. (Remember, Ann suffers from panic attacks.)

From the moment I saw that clip, I felt it was endearing (but I repeat myself). Coulter exhibited genuineness and likeability. Her real personality appeared to shine through.

However, I would think that if one has been struggling with addictions for decades, one would have some measure of compassion for others with theirs.

Joker: Ann Coulter Unplugged provides an in-depth, detailed analysis in this holistic exposé of how and why Coulter has become such a warped human being.

Joker addresses the physical, mental, emotional, psychological, familial, sexual, and spiritual dimensions which have shaped the Ann Coulter that we know today and it highlights both the positives and the negatives of Coulter’s life and career.

Ann’s brokenness provides an object lesson for all of us and, hopefully, this book will act as an intervention to help Ann face her deep brokenness and motivate her to seek healing and restoration.

Endnotes:

[1]              1) Moneyrunner, “I Had Dinner With Ann Coulter,” Free Republic, 10/26/03, http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/news/1008544/posts.

2) Katie Schnack, “Celebrity Sighting: Every Republican who has ever been on Fox News, Democratic Wedding Party has fit,” 6/4/09, http://pbwaitress.wordpress.com/tag/ann-coulter/.

3) George Gurley, “Ann Coulter Ecstatic: Enemies Stoke Sales – ‘They’re Like My Pets,’” New York Observer, 7/3/06.

4) David Bowman, “Ann Coulter, Woman,” Salon, 7/25/03, http://www.salon.com/2003/07/25/bowman_3/.

5) Joe Kovacs, “What Ann Coulter Really Thinks,” World Net Daily, 6/28/03,  http://www.wnd.com/2003/06/19518/.

[2]              Ann Coulter, “Reform it back,” 7/12/00.

[3]              John Cloud, “Ms. Right: Ann Coulter,” Time, 4/17/05, http://content.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1050304,00.html.

[4]              Amy Argetsinger and Roxanne Roberts, “Bush Serenade Is a Gridiron Smash,” Washington Post, 3/10/08, http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/03/09/AR2008030902099.html.

[5]              Andrew Lawton, “The Ann Coulter I know,” Breitbart, 2013, http://landmarkreport.com/andrew/2013/06/the-ann-coulter-i-know.

[6]              Scott Raab, “A Date with Ann Coulter,” Esquire, 11/1/04, http://www.esquire.com/features/ESQ1104-NOV_COULTER.

[7]              “Norman Shearer’s Found Objects,” http://www.mydamnchannel.com/harry_shearer/found_objects/foundobjectscoulteroreillycouric_437.

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