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I Love Hispanics

Coulter absurdly claims, “I love Hispanics” at the same time as she commends Trump’s “magnificent Mexican rapist speech.”

i-love-hispanics

Coulter repeatedly boasts that “He won my heart with that Mexican rapist speech. That won me over.” We are, Coulter tells us, to fear Mexicans and Mexico’s peasant culture more than ISIS terrorists inside America’s heartland.

Yet, she expects us to believe that she loves Hispanics.

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Annotated Transcript of Coulter’s set at the Roast of Rob Lowe

[This transcript of Coulter’s roast speech includes bracketed annotations.]

“Welcome to the Ann Coulter Roast with Rob Lowe.”

annotated-transcript-of-coulters-set-at-the-roast-of-rob-lowe

“I’m so overwhelmed with the love in this room tonight. I can’t thank you enough. It’s really something.”

[Following her clever opening sentence, Coulter’s petulant sarcasm expressed a you’re so mean to me attitude. Coulter is prone to crying “victim” when she is often the victimizer.]

“I’m not a comedienne, which is why, you can imagine, I often get mistaken for Nikki Glaser.”

[Actually, Coulter considers herself the ultimate comedienne. She likens herself to H.L. Mencken and Mark Twain. Her speeches are often a series of punchlines and she discards substantive material in favor of jokes in her columns. Some of her closest friend are comics, a milieu she cherishes.]

“I’m only here tonight because of all the love and respect I have for Rob Lowe and all these fabulous and talented performers tonight. It has nothing to do with this being the next stop on my press junket for the book I’ve just published four days ago, In Trump We Trust: E Pluribus Awesome – Pause for boos. Oh, wait, I wasn’t supposed to read that – available at fine bookstores everywhere. I know it’s pretty shameless, but I’m on stage with a guy who made two ‘Joe Dirt’ films, so how shameless can I be.”

[The first of two “shameless” book promotions, Coulter failed to grasp the nature of the roast format and to distinguish it from a celebrity talk show.]

“As a right-wing hatemonger, it’s fantastic to be at a big Hollywood shindig with all these glittering celebrities that isn’t a fundraiser for Obama. I’m hoping to persuade you all to vote for Trump but most of all I want you, David [Spade], because it would prove the media is lying when they say there, say that Trump won’t get the vote of a single Spade.”

[Someone as race-obsessed as Ann should avoid using the term “spade” in such a context.]

“David is the perfect toastmaster for the show. He’s successful enough that everyone knows who he is but not so successful that he makes us feel threatened. He’s like the Mike Pence of comedy.”

[That Coulter thinks people are naturally threatened by successful people suggests she has a warped perspective on what success entails. Milquetoast Mike Pence? But she doesn’t like him.]

“A lot of people don’t realize that David’s sister is famous designer Kate Spade. Judging by your outfit, David, I gather you’re not speaking.”

“Why is Jeff Ross at every roast? He thinks he deserves it and everyone else just goes along with it? He’s like Hillary Clinton.”

“Actually, to be fair, if I could get just one person here to vote for Trump, it would be you, Ralph. People would be so surprised. I’d go up and say, ‘I got Ralph Macchio. He’s voting for Donald Trump.’ And they’d say, ‘Oh, oh, what a shock. Ralph is still alive?’ Just kidding. You look totally fantastic. It’s unbelievable, Ralph. Can you believe this guy’s like 54? He looks incredible. Whatever you’ve been drinking, you gotta send a few cases to Hillary.”

[Why emphasis Ralph’s age and “incredible” looks? Is Ann trying to convince others – and herself – that she looks incredible at 54?]

“We have British comedian Jimmy Carr with us because of Obama’s lax immigration policies.”

[But Coulter favors white immigrants from Britain. She wants to restore a WASP – White Anglo-Saxon – America. Oh, that’s right, Carr is a liberal.]

“I must admit I’m a little uncomfortable with not only the mean jokes but the raw sexual commentary that’s so popular at these roasts. I mean, apparently female comics have to be dirty to expand their fan base. Thank God you didn’t have to go there, Nikki.”

[Uncomfortable? Coulter is the queen of mean jokes and deliberately offensive. Moreover, the “raw sexual commentary” directed at her and others is no worse than the humor employed by some of her comedic friends.]

“If you’ve ever asked yourself, ‘Who do I have to screw to get a TV show in Hollywood?’ Nikki has the actual list.”

“I’m honored to share this stage with a patriot, Rob Riggle. Thank you for your service. You were a marine for over 20 years. You’ve seen things no man should have seen, including The Daily Show with Trever Noah.”

“Peyton Manning, I applaud your conservative convictions. I know you’re a big supporter of Jeb Bush. That’s a political contribution that will pay handsomely. Jeb got four delegates, which makes me laugh harder than any of the jokes tonight.”

“I once thought Pete Davidson was just like Obama, a biracial goofball who ruined a once-beloved institution. But it turns out I was wrong. Pete’s not biracial.”

[Race-obsessed Ann has been fixated on biracial Obama since his first inauguration. As an emerging leader of the alt-Right, Coulter has some distinctly flawed views on all things racial.]

“And now for the man of the hour [interrupted by applause], the man of the hour – the one hour left in his career – Rob Lowe. I’m a big fan of Rob Lowe’s work, especially, of course, the tapes, threesome. To this day, that remains the most authentic performance I have ever seen at a Democratic National Convention.”

“Rob was on the West Wing where he managed the impossible task of being the most insufferable part of an Aaron Sorkin show. A few years ago, there was talk of Rob Lowe replacing Charlie Sheen and the government was deciding who to give AIDS to next. Rob’s last show was called The Grinder. Hard to believe that a TV show named after a gay dating app wouldn’t be a huge hit.”

“I know some of you are saying I did this only to promote my book, In Trump We Trust: E Pluribus Awesome, available at bookstores everywhere, including the Barnes & Noble where Ralph Macchio works.”

[Second self-serving book promotion. How gauche!]

“We all do what we do. Writers write. Actors act. And Rob Lowe. What does he do? The truth is, Rob Lowe does a job that most Americans just won’t do – he plays Rob Lowe. It’s a thankless job but we’re all so grateful that you do it, Rob. Thank you.”

Tears of a Clown

Ann Coulter claims she “killed.” Others say she “bombed.” What’s the truth?

Ann Coulter upstaged Rob Lowe at his own roast, without even trying. But is there something more substantive to learn amidst all the folderol surrounding the Roast of Coulter with Lowe?

tears-of-a-clown

Roasts depend upon humor and, in this case, the jokes targeting Coulter and those given by Coulter conceal and reveal Coulter’s heart.

Prior to the roast, Coulter told Extra: “I’ve never seen a roast but I hear it gets kind of mean.” She placed special emphasis on that last word, suggesting it was something to relish. Coulter then joked, “ My whole life is an Ann Coulter roast.”

Moreover, Coulter arrogantly entered a forum foreign to her, believing that she would inevitably prevail. She was clearly unprepared for what she was about to experience.

Jokes about Coulter

The opening to the roast introduced “The way less intelligent Ann Coulter.” (Coulter disagrees.)

The Coulter with Lowe Roast was an equal opportunity roasting, with everyone getting singed, but Coulter was uniquely burned.

These raunchy roasts generally employ good-natured ribbing. At this roast, Coulter was abjectly hated and, thus, became the recipient of a disproportionate number of “jokes” and vulgar venom. Many of the jokes were spiteful, not jocular. Some weren’t jokes at all but merely expressions of enmity. (This video contains every Coulter insult.)

The very best jokes contain at least a kernel of truth. Many of the jokes were actually accurate, on target. Coulter is known to be an offensive person because she purposely provokes offense.

Irrationally, Coulter seems surprised that deliberately offending people invites retaliation. (Live by the F.U., cry by the F.U.) This is particularly striking given her instructions in her 2004 bestseller, How to Talk to a Liberal (if you must). In it, she offers 10 rules for conservatives. Number three: “you must outrage the enemy.” She also advises, “Nothing too extreme can be said about liberals, because it’s all true.”

According to the Atlantic:

“Coulter, after all, has arguably based her entire profession on trolling TV viewers and political commentators with intentionally shocking, awful statements. To enumerate them all would be impossible – she’s less a pundit and more a vessel for free-associative hate speech … Her newsmaking brand isn’t dissimilar from the approach to writing a roast-appropriate joke: Craft an insult that’s as vicious as possible but still ends on a laugh line, a wink to the audience that suggests the whole thing is all in good fun. Coulter, however, mostly lacks that final element – her defenders might claim that she’s just trying to push buttons, but her arena isn’t the world of stand-up.”

Coulter’s Response

Ann Coulter was shocked to be targeted with such vitriol. (Her supporters claim she was “ambushed,” a conspiracy theory to Coulter’s liking.)

Coulter even contends that Comedy Central carefully edited the program to excise laughter at her jokes. She said, “I don’t know how they edited it but I know I got laughs when I was there.” She added, “It’s very easy to cut jokes, or laughs, out. You can make anybody look like they’re playing to a dead audience.”

One website took screengrabs of Coulter following various “jokes” and concluded that she handled it with grace. The Atlantic offered a different, more accurate, take: “Coulter, instead, responded to the lines with a sort of frozen, tortured grin, rendering the whole thing deeply uncomfortable.”

Coulter was clearly distressed and, in the beginning, visibly enraged. Toward the latter half of the show she was able to smile – a plastic, frozen smile to hide the incensed inferno within.

She never laughed at herself. Comedian Jeff Ross said, “She hated every second of it. She wouldn’t laugh.” Coulter doesn’t know how to laugh at herself. (Perhaps she should pretend her mirror is a camera.)

Coulter told Sam Roberts: “Ned [Rice] came running up to me at the first break … and [Ned] said, ‘You have to laugh; you have to laugh’ and I said, ‘I can’t, I can’t act. I’m sorry. It’s not that it’s about me. A lot of it wasn’t funny.’”

Claiming to have been “bored” by the whole roast, Coulter asserts, “I don’t notice ‘mean,’ but I do notice ‘jokes’ and I didn’t hear many of those – until I took the mic!” Boastful bravado masks her sorrow.

Coulter hides her rage by laughing about the low caliber of the “jokes” made at her expense, claiming, “I don’t care – I am just telling you what happened – it was a bore until I spoke and I was fantastic.

But Coulter does care. Ann hates criticism more than most people and she recoils against ridicule (though she is quite quick to dispense it). Coulter is a shameless person who hates to be shamed. The smallest criticism generates internal angst.

Coulter’s rage was obvious in her own description of the event: “Hunt, hunt, hunt, Hitler, KKK, hunt, hussy, hussy, Hitler, KKK, burning crosses, hunt, she hates Muslims, hunt, hunt, hussy, hussy, hussy – now I have summarized the entire two hours I had to listen to.” She made similar characterizations on other programs.

Jokes by Coulter

In our examination of this controversy (one which Coulter has, once again, ably exploited), a crucial element in this saga must be cleared up. The consensus on the Internet and social media is that Coulter bombed. This is nonsense. The audience disliked Coulter’s politics (and tasteful) humor.

Coulter was poised and sharp, though she stumbled over a few words. Some of her jokes were quite good and well presented. Others were not. Their fatal flaw: they were inappropriate to the venue. Moreover, they were often far too political and self-serving. But then, Ann is a very political and self-serving person. (See “Annotated transcript of Coulter’s set at the Roast of Rob Lowe.”)

Coulter told TMZ, “I wrote [my jokes, with] a few friends.” She explained, “I did not take the roasters’ jokes – they were too blue and too mean.” (Coulter reported rejected a series of jokes proffered by Comedy Central, only one of which could be regarded as incongruently apropos: “I have to say, Rob, it’s nice to finally not be the most hated person in the room.”)

As for Coulter’s actual shtick, it would have served her well to revise her prepared remarks after experiencing what a roast is really like. Instead, politics suffused her routine. One-liners are standard fare for a Coulter speech, but this wasn’t supposed to be a speech – it was a roast.

That reminded of an MRC Dishonors Awards ceremony where Coulter had been slated to introduce Rush Limbaugh, who abruptly canceled his appearance. Rather than introduce the actual speaker, Coulter introduced him as if he were Limbaugh so that her prepared material would not go to waste.

On Sam Roberts’ Show, Coulter boasted of her roast segment: “I killed.” She added, “All I had was jokes, I didn’t go blue and I wasn’t mean, and they laughed and I got to really promote my book.”

You can judge for yourself. (See “Annotated transcript of Coulter’s set at the Roast of Rob Lowe.”)

Ann Coulter Roasted

Polemicist Ann Coulter was roasted at Comedy Central’s Roast of Rob Lowe (see graphic).

Ann Coulter Roasted

Some of the jokes aimed at Coulter were vicious and vile, expressing the enmity she has evoked across the nation. (She has been called the most hated woman in America, after all.)

Coulter responded: “As a right-wing hate-monger, it is fantastic to be at a big Hollywood shindig with all these glittering celebrities that isn’t a fundraiser for Obama. There is nothing you can tell me to discourage me. My whole career has been an Ann Coulter roast.”

While Coulter has not lost her edge, she has lost her relevancy. More and more frequently, conservatives have come out against Coulter.

Since 9/11, many conservatives have frequently found fault with the substance and style of Coulter’s work, as well as with her integrity and veracity. In fact, conservative criticism of Coulter has increased dramatically in recent years.

Her current book, In Trump We Trust, has been completely undermined by her subject and savior, Donald Trump himself, prompting a slew of parody book covers. Coulter actually exhibited the five stages of grief in less than 36 hours.

Coulter has become an expert at one thing: turning herself into a parody.

dt_coulter

Five Stages of Coulter’s Trump Grief

Donald Trump sabotaged Ann Coulter’s paean to him by betraying the central premise of her book and its raison d’etre.

Alex Griswold at Mediaite observed that in less than 36 hours, Coulter exhibited the five stages of grief.

Coulter’s Five Stages of Trump Grief

Coulter's Five Stages of Grief

Ann Coulter is NOT John the Baptist

John the Baptist lost his head for proclaiming God’s truth and holiness. Ann Coulter has betrayed all that she once believed in to promote the ungodly and profane.[1]

Now Coulter is a champion of New York Values, the kind she has opposed her entire adult life.

Not John the Baptist

A recent headline exposed Coulter’s betrayal: “Ann Coulter Says Trump’s Affair With Marla Maples Was Sanctioned By God.”

Coulter Praises Donald Trump’s Adultery

In an astonishing dialogue with Eric Metaxas, Coulter defended Trump’s vice as a virtue![2] In response to Metaxas’ declaration, “His vice of choice was adultery,” Coulter replied, “Allegedly.” Allegedly? Trump boasts of his conquests and his sexual desire for his own daughter!

Coulter added, “You know where he met Marla Maples? You know where he met her? I haven’t really followed his personal story very closely but he met her in church.”

According to Coulter, Trump’s long-term affair was justified because “he did marry her.” (No comment about his subsequent divorce or any of his affairs.) Coulter even claimed, “There are degrees of murder, there are degrees of adultery.” (However, all murderers are punished!)

Coulter will countenance any evil so long as she gets her way. In this case, she wants Trump to build a wall in her honor. She said, “It’s not his strongest point, oh well. He’s the only one who’s going to build the wall.” (Except, Trump will not build the wall Coulter wants.[3] Cruz will!)[4]

Coulter Condemns Divorce and Adultery

Nevertheless, Coulter continues to reject the sacred for the profane.

Until now, Coulter has condemned adultery (and divorce) throughout her professional career, chastising any public figures caught in that practice. She is wont to call the Democrat Party the party of “killing, lying, adultery, thievery, envy.”

For Coulter, admirable people cannot be adulterers. Coulter once declared, “None of the leaders I admire [have had affairs].”[5] (Until Trump!)

Coulter immediately added, “The greatest president of this century certainly never had an affair. … Of course we know that [he never had an affair]. Ronald Reagan could not possibly have had an affair. It is beyond the realm of possibility.”

Then, faithfulness and kept promises mattered to Coulter. Now, not so much.

Coulter Touts “The Rules”

A stickler for details and the letter of the law (until Trump, that is – now, “THE RULES[6] no longer matter), Coulter has always stridently decried divorce, citing it’s close connection with adultery. Coulter explained:

“To be absolutely punctilious about the sort of Bible description of divorce, it is considered adultery because the ‘one and only’ is your one and only. So you may go through our little civil procedures but your second wife would be considered – I guess divorce would be better than adultery as long as you don’t re-marry because the marriage would technically be considered adultery.”[7]

What about Trump’s confessed adulterous affairs and two divorces?

Coulter Loves Outing Adulterers

Coulter also favors news outlets and tabloids exposing prominent figures as adulterers. She said, “I’m all for outing adulterers, whether it’s some Hollywood starlet telling on a politician. I love that.”[8]

An effusive Coulter continued, “Oh, yeah, I love that. It’s like having all these Bernie Goetzs of adultery out there. They’re preventing people from committing adultery for fear of being exposed.”

But Trump, her Savior,[9] is now off limits!

Coulter Condemns Rudy Giuliani

Indeed, Coulter regards divorce and adultery as disqualifying factors for public office.

In 2000, Coulter denounced Rudy Giuliani as an adulterer (“committed adulterer,” “chasing tail,” “pathetic,” “boob,” and “pig” “forever wetting [himself] in public”), Coulter ridiculed the appearance of his mistresses. Consider Coulter’s lengthy tirade against Giuliani’s mistresses:[10]

“It seems to me that once a woman puts her sexual attractiveness at issue by, for example, competing sexually for the husbands of other women, she’s made her relative pulchritude fair game. Indeed, it is impossible to comprehend why some Republicans are still defending Giuliani’s honor without taking note of how homely his mistresses are.” (Isn’t Coulter now defending Trump’s honor?)

Coulter’s diatribe continued: “On every possible scale – body, face, youthful appearance, accomplishments, style, pedigree, IQ – Giuliani’s wife is several orders of magnitude superior to his apparent mistresses. His latest acquisition is even more squat and frumpy than the last consort.”

Rudy Giuliani was a letch, but Donald Trump is a saint?

John the Baptist

In contrast to Coulter, John the Baptist was devoted to righteousness and holy living. John repeatedly condemned King Herod for his sexual deviancy – and lost his head for it.

As reported in the Gospel of John (6:16-18):

“But when Herod heard, he said, ‘This is John, whom I beheaded; he has been raised from the dead!’ For Herod himself had sent and laid hold of John, and bound him in prison for the sake of Herodias, his brother Philip’s wife; for he had married her. Because John had said to Herod, ‘It is not lawful for you to have your brother’s wife.’”

Jesus persistently condemned adultery, going so far as to say, “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart (Mt. 5:27-28).”

Coulter once understood and agreed with that teaching, but now, for political purposes, Coulter calls evil good and good evil. Trump even lusts for his own daughter!

Less than a year ago, Coulter bragged, “I’ve never sucked up to anybody. I’ve always said what I believe.”[11]

(Sorry, Ann, but you’ve become the biggest suck-up in modern American history.)

Endnotes:

[1]               See “Ann Coulter’s Upside Down World” at http://wp.me/p4jHFp-cP.

[2]               Ann Coulter, Eric Metaxas Show, Salem Media Group, 4/5/16.

[3]               See “Coulter Logic (she wants candidate who won’t pursue her agenda)” at http://wp.me/p4jHFp-dQ.

[4]               See “An Open Letter to Ann Coulter” at http://wp.me/p4jHFp-cK.

[5]               Ann Coulter, MSNBC, 6/7/97.

[6]               See “Coulter Hates ‘THE RULES’ That Thwart Trump” at http://wp.me/p4jHFp-e6.

[7]               Ann Coulter, MSNBC, 6/7/97.

[8]               Ann Coulter, Politically Incorrect, ABC, 7/21/97.

[9]               See “Meet Ann Coulter’s Savior” at http://wp.me/p4jHFp-bM.

[10]             See The Beauty of Conservatism, 2011, pg. 99, available as a freed download at www.coulterwatch.com/beauty.pdf.

[11]             Ann Coulter, “New Vice Video: Shooting Guns With Ann Coulter –UNPLUGGED,” 8/11/15, https://broadly.vice.com/en_us/video/shooting-guns-with-ann-coulter?utm_source=broadlyfbus.

Ann Coulter: Wisconsin Sucks

In her latest column,[1] Ann Coulter called Wisconsin a “mean-as-a-snake” “Soviet” state.

Wisconsin Sucks

Her evidence?

Point One: Donald Trump lost. (We could just stop right there. Just like Trump, anyone opposed to her or her agenda is ipso facto evil.)

Point Two: Thugs from across America joined with teachers unions to besiege and takeover the state capitol in 2011.

Coulter fails to explain her non-sequitur, namely, how liberal activists from across the nation are representative of conservatives running a Republican convention.

Moreover, Coulter concludes that those  very same thugs represent the whole of Wisconsin. How, then, does Coulter account for Gov. Scott Walker’s tremendous popularity in his home state. Walker won three elections there!

Point Three: Because Wisconsin has “virtually no immigrants,” they cannot understand the reality contained in Trump’s message and her latest book.[2]

It would behoove Coulter not to disparage “cantankerous Wisconsin” for – horror of horrors – disagreeing with Coulter. Moreover, Coulter’s own opening paragraph cites “Trump’s rough style,”[3] one which a growing number of conservatives deplore. There is more to a Trump candidacy than a phony immigration platform.[4]

Coulter once said, “All countries suck compared to America.”[5] Now, apparently so does Wisconsin.

Coulter should look in the mirror before casting any more stones!

Endnotes:

[1]               Ann Coulter, “Ted Cruz: Tracy Flick With a D*CK,” 4/13/16.

[2]               See “Coulter Logic (she wants candidate who won’t pursue her agenda)” at http://wp.me/p4jHFp-dQ.

[3]               See “Bully Boy Trump” at http://wp.me/p4jHFp-cv.

[4]               See “Trump’s Phony Wall” at http://wp.me/p4jHFp-cn.

[5]               See “Ann Coulter Auditions for U.N. Ambassador” at http://t.co/R7IDzwnUJ8.